Compulsive Buying Disorder AKA “The Shopping Addiction”

 I suffer from what some would say is a shopping problema.. admittedly it’s been a “problem” for as long as I can remember.  Some people in my family might even say I walked out of the womb with a credit card in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. It’s common amongst women to be obsessed with makeup, shoes or bags… Essentially anything that makes them feel prettier or even happier.

However, for me, my desire to get things when they first launched or were on sale (the satisfaction that would bring!) were both excuses in my eyes to spend my hard-earned bucks.. Especially when I envisioned how it might look when I was at my goal weight. The truth is… as I started to actually write this post, I realized that this was more than a mere gratification that came from the things that I bought. Instead, I share with you that this problem was more serious.

An addiction is a state of being enslaved to a habit, practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, such as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma... Scary stuff!

Shopped till I Dropped!

I always shopped “within” my salary bracket. When I worked at McDonald’s, I bought from Forever 21 and Bang Bang. As I moved into other roles in which I made more, I consequently spent more. With that, my taste gradually began to shift to other more expensive finds.

As I was reflecting back on my journey, a tough time in my life started to surface… Way back when I had a really bad break up (my husband won’t acknowledge it as he says I had no life before him lol). But it was a time in which I recognized as being one of my worst spending downfalls… the shopping got real. After my bills were paid, every dollar I had left over went to buying anything that would fill the void. This void of thinking “I was wrong, I wasn’t pretty enough, or plainly, I wasn’t enough”. As I write that, two tears run down my face because I feel sorry for that me from back then… if only I knew better.

Looking for answers… I found it’s scientifically noted that people shop more so to fulfill an emotional need than any physical necessity. Studies have shown that 80% of American purchases are for things they want… Not things they need. Most of the time, something is missing and buying those shoes or that watch makes us feel better. It’s also maybe the adrenaline rush of thinking you saved because you got that one item on sale, even though on that same shopping spree you bought 5 other things you really didn’t need.

My Compulsive Buying Behavior

These days, I shop for parties and events that may or may never come. I shop for a size I may never be again. I shop for the pictures I think I’ll take and post. Crazy isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong… I do enjoy fashion, always have and always will, but I’ve come to recognize that this is about more than just fashion.

I go through phases depending on what my goal is… Sometimes it’s the perfect white dress which results in me purchasing 7 (but they’re different, I promise). Or sometimes it’s the perfect nude lipstick which leads to other makeup items to complete the look. I’ve been guilty of buying 3 pairs of sneakers in different colors, ask me why? I won’t remember.

I’m not selfish with the spending either. I shop for the boys so they can have the perfect party outfits… that will inevitably get stained with cake icing and they’ll never wear again. I also shop for the perfect curtains for that visit from my cousins I haven’t seen in years.. I told you, it gets real?!

I’ll go through phases of not shopping at all, which are short… but I do. Those times it’s ALL goal oriented. When we were set on buying our first house, I was like a sergeant with our money, monitoring every dollar in and out of our accounts. If hubby had spent 4 bucks on a coffee, I’d call him 10 minutes after. “Really? You need that coffee? I could have made you that at home, sacrifice!” When I’m in the saving zone I save, I SAVE big, but then when I reward myself for saving, I SPEND big!

Hubs and I have worked so hard so we deserve it right?! Ain’t no point in being the richest chick in the cemetery so spend it before we die, no? … Wow, how naive. I’m the big 4.0 and I still spend more than I should. Honestly, if I could go back and count how much I’ve spent over the years it would make you sick.  It makes me nauseous just thinking about it.

God has blessed me with a good life: I have a good man, healthy kids and a job that I love. I have things that many would consider luxuries so why shop like this? A question I need to answer..

 But My Spending Doesn’t Define Me…

Times are different now. I have kids who may have needs in the future that I want to be able to support. As a result, my life goals are changing and a closet full of clothes won’t fulfill those needs..

As you read earlier, the true self-discovery came as I began to write this post because this outlet provided me with the lens of clarity that I needed.. So this is still a journey for me.

I try every day, I swear hun (since he will read this lol). I promise not to hide packages anymore or lie about how much I’ve really spent at the mall! I vow to be better, not for just me, but for our future. I want to work on myself, find other ways to fill “what’s missing”… In turn, I hope to learn more about who I am.

 

Because I believe I’m not alone, below are some questions you can ask yourself if you think you might have similar challenges with spending. Please remember that even if you do, it ok… It’s about changing the behavior which is totally doable.

• Do you shop when you feel angry or disappointed?
• Has overspending created problems in your life?
• Do you have conflicts with loved ones about your need to shop?
• While shopping, do you feel euphoric rushes or anxiety?
• After shopping, do you feel like you have just finished doing something wild or dangerous?
• After shopping, do you ever feel guilty or embarrassed about what you have done?
• Do you frequently buy things that you never end up using or wearing?
• Do you think about money almost all the time?

 

SO there it is.. I shared a really vulnerable part of my being but even if it helps just one person relate, it’ll be all good.

Until next time..

Lioness