Forget what society tells you about relationships. There just isn’t a one-size-fits-all way for every couple. Stop comparing your relationship to your friends, parents, celebrities, even Instagram personas. Work with what you’ve been given and nurture It!
I believe we all at one time or another compared our relationship with others. “Wow, they have the best relationship” “ Look at how he loves her” or “They have the perfect marriage” admit it, you’ve done it, we all have.
Never compare the speed of previous relationships with the one you’re in now. Sure, things worked well when you moved in after eight months last time, but that doesn’t mean it will work again. After all, you’re not even with that other person anymore, so something definitely went wrong. Go ahead and start fresh!
Hey, Sometimes fast works. I met my husband in May 2009, we moved in together within 5 months of meeting and got married 9 months later. We are still together, 9 years later. Of course, there are couples who moved “too fast.” Maybe they got married after knowing each other for only a week and got it annulled a month later. But for every horror story like this one, there’s another where that same quick couple stayed together for decades. Sometimes, fast just works, if both people want it.
MARRIAGE ISN’T FOR EVERYONE
One of the reasons why I believe so many marriages end in divorce is because they just didn’t want to do it in the first place. They felt like they had to because of some make-believe relationship timeline. Don’t fall into that trap, Your relationship isn’t any better off because you’ve got a piece of paper, had a grandiose wedding reception, or lovely church nuptials. That paper doesn’t make or break your union. I share this not because I don’t believe in marriage, because I do. But I also feel whole-heartedly that happy couples don’t always have to officialize through the state to prove that’s there is love there.
ALL COUPLES FIGHT DIFFERENTLY
Not all couples go through tough times or disagreements the same. Some couples fight hard and loud. While others avoid each other like the plague until they’re not mad anymore. At the start of my marriage, Alex and I had screaming matches. Outright battles which sometimes involved insults and ways to make each other hurt, however with time we realized we weren’t solving shit and have learned how to “fight” or disagree without saying things we’d later regret. One of my closest friends can have a blow out in whispers with her husband. They literally whisper in their bedroom as they argue so the family is completely unaware of the issue at home. The way you deal with your challenges with your partner will differ couple to couple, and when you start a new relationship don’t bring your bad habits into your new journey. There’s no better time than the beginning of a relationship to set the tone of how you will manage through disagreements and adversities that are inevitable.
Don’t force your relationship to fit into a box. This will sound like an oxymoron but make an effort to let things happen organically. Forcing something to model another couple can absolutely mess up a good thing. Your relationship timeline, the ways you show affection, your own love language will be different than mine. A relationships rules of engagement should be written by the two people in it, not outside pressures or influences. If you want to get married but he’s not ready, learn to find patience and other ways to fill that need. If you have a good wholesome relationship, focus on all the amazing things that person adds to your life, vs everything you’re missing. Like a ring.
LOVESHIPS (Like FRIENDSHIPS)
Many of us have heard the relationship advice “you need to be friends first, or your partner should be your best friend” There is much validity in this concept. Will they be the person that knows your deepest and darkest secrets? Sometimes. But more ofter then not they should be the person that you run to when you have great news, or bad news, or the person you turn to when you need advice. Your partner should jump straight to mind when you need someone to talk to. It will never negate your “bestie” it’s a loveship! It’s different.
If you’ve had more than one sexual partner, which at this stage in our lives most of us have (although my husband likes to believe I was born the day I met him, so there was no one before him lol) All your sexual partners have “loved on you” differently. There will never be two people that fulfill you in the same way. However, It doesn’t mean that if your current partner doesn’t please you the way a past lover once did that this person can’t learn to please you. Just like in the “daytime” of your relationship where communication is key, so is It at “night” You will need to tell your lover what feels good, what excites you and what scores the GOAL. Assuming that they will just know your body is ridiculous, you can’t expect someone to drive in a new town without a map or GPS. But once he’s taken the route a few times, he won’t need directions anymore and with time he’ll learn the shortcuts. 😉
We all know that relationships are work and that both people need to be invested to make it work. But I’m also a strong believer that HAPPY couples that stay together for years practice these two things. 1) They have learned to “fight”. 2) They don’t fall out of love at the same time. It’s a reality that there will be times when you will question your relationship, but if the other person is all in, they pull you back in and fight for your love and vice versa. We will fall in and out of love many times over, but if you have a loveship and you genuinely respect your person. Happiness in many forms is inevitable.