The term “No New Friends” is bullshit because your friends from yesterday most likely won’t be your tomorrow friends. Let me tell you why.
It’s a reality we often don’t want to acknowledge. We all think our friendships will last forever, but the truth is we outgrow people and they outgrow us, so there’s a strong possibility that the friends you had then will most likely not be the friends of today or tomorrow.
For many of us, our first friendships are with our siblings and/or cousins. You don’t get to choose these friends, they’re just there, so you grow up playing and building memories with them and essentially they’re all you know until we go to school.
This is when it gets interesting. These relationships start because you have common interests and something about them goes well with you. Maybe they like the same color or like dolls/cars like you do, or the person sometimes fills a personal void. Maybe you’re quiet and you love how courageous and charismatic they are or maybe you connect with someone that likes Star Wars. When no one else understands that the order is actually NOT volumes 1, 2 , 3.. But 4, 5, 6 then 1, 2, 3 (who knew) lol
You go through years in school where you make and break friendships sometimes as often as you change your underwear. Yet some of us are lucky enough to have that one friend from elementary school all our lives but more often than not, it’s just not the case.
Friends for a season or reason
I’ve been lucky enough to have many great friends, all through my life, but I’ve also lost some friends too. Some of those friends were perfect for that time, that journey or that moment. They were placed there for a reason. Maybe you had an amazing summer friendship fling, you went out all the time, drank together, were each other’s wingman or woman. But then once reality hit of going back to school or one of you settles down with someone, the friendship fizzled. #bestie is no longer in the picture. You miss them maybe for a day or two but then you move on. Organically, they are no longer part of your life.
Sometimes we mourn
There are then those significant friendships that have been there for a long time and thru big milestones like new relationships, a new job, or new car! They have also been there through a bad breakup, an unfortunate death in the family, (furry family members included) or maybe it’s during a big f**k up in your life (we’ve all been there) and they have the power to pick you up. They’re your rock!
Then BOOM! Something happens. Big! Or maybe even not so big, and you “break up” Sometimes without even knowing what happened. You have a fight, or you get mad and don’t even want to fight, so you just stop speaking.. forever. Usually, we mourn that friendship, but again.. we move on. Mourning friendships are sometimes harder than a relationship because they know so much, they’ve been there for so long and now what? Poof, Gone!
With all friendships, we learn something
Every encounter, relationship, friendship even work friends teach us something. Either about them or about ourselves. Innately, I’m a giving person, I give you all that I am from day 1. I’m never cautious. It’s who I am. (maybe not smart on my part, but it’s me, nonetheless) I’m like the legal system we all wish really existed. “Innocent until proven guilty” but that thinking has burned me, more times than I’d like to admit.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Notice I said shows you, not tells you. Don’t ignore the red flags of a friend who is not genuine or honest. On the other hand, Nurture the friendships who are next to you when you’re down. It’s easy to be there when things are good, but who sticks with you at your worst? Who shows you empathy, not sympathy. Stick with the friends that support your endeavors, and push you to make those dreams reality. Surround yourself with the friends that make you a better you.
Also, don’t limit yourself to the same types of friends or potentially close out people you normally wouldn’t attract into your circle. The diversity of thought is necessary for your growth. Befriend people assumingly smarter and more accomplished and leverage that intelligence and resourcefulness so you learn and grow. In the same essence bring people up with you as you succeed. Share your success, and be the energy people want to be around. If you don’t have good friends around, start being a good friend. Be the friend you want in your life.
Don’t be afraid to let go of friendships that don’t feel right, that are toxic or taxing of your time and energy. You need to make room for the “new friends” in the universe excited to be a part of your life.
Love and Hugs, Tu Amiga,